I can honestly say that there is no book, video, or conversation to be had that can truly prepare you for motherhood. It’s just one of those things that no matter how well you “educate” yourself, you’ll never be quite prepared enough for this new journey you’re going to be on. One moment you’re in the care of nurses and then they tell you it’s time to go home. Oh, what a fun first night that was! Almost three months postpartum, I’ve been reflecting on just how much I’ve learned about not only my new baby but myself. I wanted to share my experiences and encouragement with you in hopes that it can help you feel and know that you are not alone.
Be A Super Mom Later
One of the biggest ideas I had in my mind was that I wanted to do it all. I wanted to be an amazing wife, business owner, sister, friend, daughter, and worlds greatest mom. When the reality set in a few days after having my daughter I realized that being a supermom sounded exhausting and it made me beat myself up because I wasn’t. In my head, I would tell myself you’re a horrible mother all because I didn’t know why my daughter kept crying even after being fed, changed, and snuggled. I would look in the mirror and not even recognize who was staring back at me – large in part to my swollen face but also my deflated belly. I just wasn’t myself and instead of feeling like I was on top of the world I felt like it came crumbling down on me. My advice to you is to embrace this period, although it may be rough it’s real and it’s bound to happen as a new mom. We have all of the expectations of how we think motherhood will be when in reality it’s ever-changing but know this is for sure, you don’t have to be a super mom right now. It doesn’t all have to come naturally to you right then. You won’t be perfect and that’s okay. Sometimes babies just cry and it’s okay if you cry too.
It Gets Better
I reached a point where I was crying most days for most of the day. I would cry when she was sleeping, crying, and feeding. I cried so hard one night when my grandmother and mother watched her for me so I could finally get a night of uninterrupted rest. At the time I felt like I was giving up because I should be the one staying up with my baby, right? I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I was just so emotional and couldn’t believe how much my world had changed in an instant. It was almost like I was mourning the life that I had before and trying to welcome this new little human all at once. Fast forward to today, I’m sitting here sharing my story with you. Although it was a rough road dealing with baby blues it was again one that I had to go through. After the baby you’re body, emotions, hormones are all out of whack and time is needed for them to fall back into place. I remember having one simple conversation with my best friend, a mother of two. She gave me ideas to try to help with getting our daughter to sleep and to understand her better. Having a plan made all of the difference for me and things began to turn around. My advice to you, realize that it’s going to suck for a little while. But, like all tough things, this too shall pass.
Fill Your Cup
Now I mentioned that uninterrupted night of sleep, it was amazing! It was much needed. You never really know just how much lack of sleep can affect you until you haven’t had any. My biggest lesson during that first month was that I had to make sure that I continued to make myself a priority in order to be the amazing mother I strive to be. How can anyone give their whole heart when they are empty? My grandmother said it best, mommy needs to be happy in order for the baby to be happy. So take time for yourself, even if it is that five minutes in the shower, breathe deeply. I tried my best to do the things I loved to do prior to having my daughter and I would fill some of my days with it. It brought back some familiarity in the moments when I felt like I was losing control (which happens a lot with a newborn). So never forget about yourself, you are amazing, you birthed that beautiful baby. Continue to reward yourself in small doses because that’s a huge thing.
Accept the Help
It was hard for me to come to terms with why my mom and grandmother were here exactly. I felt like, I will have to figure this stuff out on my own so let me do it ALL. It was almost as if I felt less than for accepting their help to do something as simple as changing her diaper. In the very beginning, your baby will be so jumpy and scared and you realize it’s up to you to provide them with comfort and safety. It’s also up to you to accept the help from those around you because it does take a village and in that first month, I needed the entire village to help me. I was a mess. So my advice to you, I get it, the baby is fresh and new and you couldn’t imagine anyone else doing what you should be for them. Just remember that if your blessed to have loved ones concerned enough to want to help, words can’t even describe how golden that is.
Smile Often, Rest Hard, and Be Open
Find the time to laugh and be lighthearted. After having a baby, I fell into this very serious mom role and I had to find a way to start laughing again. The laughter was some of the best medicine I could have given myself in the midst of the tears.
Rest as much as you possibly can. It’s a known saying, sleep, when the baby sleeps, is vital to your survival. The more rested and alert you are the better you can be for your baby. Now, this is definitely easier said than done but even if you just get in that extra nap or just sit down and put your feet up it will make such a difference.
My daughter Emerie has literally done something new every day since I had her. She is not the same baby she was on day one, or day 45. Something that might have worked the first few weeks of her being born stopped working all of a sudden and then we had to get creative and find what the new “something” was. You will find that things will constantly change. They say the first year is the most change and you have to be open to that. Never get too comfortable in one scenario because your baby will surprise you and not like that so much anymore (yes, they have preferences).
You are an amazing mother. I tell myself that as much as I can, especially in the rough moments as the dishes pile up in the sink, my daughter is screaming, and I can barely keep my eyes open. The fact that you wake up and show up day after day, giving your love and attention…that’s all any baby could ask for. Good luck mama!
For more encouragement, check out some of these other amazing articles for new moms.
New Mom: Expectations, Dreams, & Blind Optimism
