Before you read this list, I feel the need to make sure you know that I’m not a Scrooge. I really do love this time of year. Everything feels a little more magical and a little more special. I love making memories and establishing traditions with my family. I love focusing just a little more on spiritual things than I normally would. Despite all the beauty of the season, there is just too much low-lying fruit that makes me laugh. Tis the season to be jolly! So as I’m busy fulfilling Christmas wish lists for my people, I started thinking about those non-tangible things that I really want for Christmas. So here we go, what mom wants for Christmas this year:
One family photo with no one dabbing.
If you have an elementary or middle school boy, I do not even need to explain further. Dabbing is a dance craze that’s just as dumb as gangnam style and whip & nae nae. And my family photos will prove that to my dear children for a lifetime.
All strands of lights that worked last year to miraculously work this year.
When I packed up the lights after last Christmas, every light bulb was working. What is happening in my attic inside the Rubbermaid storage bins? I don’t even own an Elf on the Shelf, so now I’m extra nervous.
Never to see a car wearing antlers ever again.
There I said it. I love decorating. I love Christmas cheer, but here’s where my bah humbug rears its head. It seems unnatural to disguise a vehicle as an animal, especially an animal that often gets hit by said vehicle.
For all three of my kids to appear in the same Christmas program.
I adore seeing my precious babes on stage. I have one serious diva, another guy who has a running count of the number of times he’s appeared on stage, and my other son who lists his stage performances as the worst days of his life. Needless to say, holiday plays, productions, performances, and concerts are big events for our family, but no one tells you when you decide to have that next child that you will have to add one (or more) additional evenings each Christmas to attend said child’s events. If they could all be in the same performance, that would grant my Christmas wish.
The person who fabricated this lie to be prosecuted.
Let’s just say the gingerbread village was a no-go this year. Therefore, I got no cute pictures. One kid gave up. And the other two ate all the candy off the ruins of gingerbread. As a result of faulty advertising, our kitchen table looked like a catastrophic earthquake had struck the North Pole.
An actual silent night.
Do I even need to elaborate here? No, my guess is no.
A private secretary to manage my email inbox.
Apparently, if I ordered a phone case from you in 2007, that is still reason to hope that I may grace you with my Christmas dollars yet again. Emailing 237 reminders about your great deals will convince me to purchase from your company. Clearly.
The TV on mute during Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.
What is that noise? What sound editor thought that high-pitched screech would be appealing? Nay, even endearing? Every time I watch that Christmas special, I can’t for the life of me remember why I allow my kids to watch it every year. I believe it is doing damage to their ear drums. Might as well take them to a Manowar concert.
A fairy to pack up all the Christmas decorations.
For real, I think someone could create a business putting away Christmas decorations.
Someone to talk me out of getting my kids a puppy for Christmas.
Send help now. The deal is almost done. I want someone to plan an intervention. SOS!
What do you want for Christmas this year?