Finding Yourself Again After Motherhood

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Becoming a mom is amazing, but it comes with unforeseen challenges. Of course there’s the obvious: lack of sleep, screaming children, hazardous toys strewn across the floor. Someone always needs something from you. And while I had expected this, I hadn’t expected the consequence. The new label of ‘mom’ was not just added onto the others, it replaced them. And what I discovered is finding yourself again after motherhood, takes time and effort.Finding Yourself Again After Motherhood from Albuquerque Moms Blog

When you bring home that little baby you’re full of joy, fear, love, not to mention ridiculous amounts of hormones. For a while I didn’t think of much beyond when the last feeding was and when the next nap would come around so I could shut my eyes. I was in a haze. But add another kid and a couple years and the haze had lifted enough for me to realize something: I was lost.

When I told people I was a stay-at-home mom they would say, “Oh how nice. You must feel lucky! Best job in the world.” And I would nod and smile and agree. But I didn’t really mean it. Don’t get me wrong. I was glad I was able to be there for my children, watch them grow and learn. But I felt so isolated, so cut off from everything, even myself. I remember thinking, “If I disappeared, other than my immediate family, no one would notice I was gone. Not for months.”

Finding Yourself Again After Motherhood from Albuquerque Moms BlogI existed before children, before marriage, but I could not for the life of me find the person I used to be. I couldn’t define myself without a connection to another person: daughter, mother, wife, but nothing else. I wasn’t a computer programmer like my husband. I wasn’t a teacher like my mother, though that was what I’d gone to school for. I had nothing that was just my own and I was floundering.

My husband and family tried to help, but the truth is they couldn’t. It had to come from me. So with their encouragement, I started to brainstorm things I loved when it was just me. And after some soul searching and prayers, I begin to write again. It was like finding an old friend.

I used to write all the time when I was a kid. I had folders full of stories and poem. It had been my escape, the place where I solved problems I couldn’t master in real life. And all that joy and love I use to feel came rushing back. I found what I wanted to do for me. During kids. After kids. Always.

And it made all the difference.

As moms, we get so wrapped up in other people’s needs that sometimes we forget our own. There’s always going to be someone who wants a snack or a snuggle, but finding yourself after motherhood is important too. I believe you need that passion that is wholly yours. It makes you a complete person, and a better mom. So if you’re like me, and you feel like you’ve lost it along the way, take some time, and find it again.