For the first two years of our son’s life, my husband and I enjoyed the easiest two years of parenthood I could reasonably imagine.
Little David was sweet, mellow, tenderhearted, healthy, and slept great. When he would start to throw a tantrum, we told him to go sit on his bed; he would emerge about sixty seconds later all smiles and declare, “I better!” I heard friends talk about the terrible twos and threes, but as we got a few months past David’s third birthday I started hoping maybe we were lucky enough to escape them.
And then, all of a sudden, they showed up.
Developmentally, David is very smart, but he has been a little slower than average to pass big milestones. He didn’t start crawling until 10 or 11 months. He didn’t start walking until 15 months. And he didn’t start talking very much until two-and-a-half. However, when he reached those big milestones, it was always very sudden.
So it was with the terrible threes. They showed up suddenly, and they showed up in force.
It started with David refusing to go to bed. We never had any issues with this before. He would usually go to bed cheerfully with a song and a kiss. The few times he did have trouble sleeping, we were able to let him sit up with us for a little while, or cuddle and rock him until he was ready to go down again. But then he started refusing, and no amount of coaxing, cuddling, or singing would make him change his mind.
Full-on meltdowns began to happen, with tears and screaming. Bedtimes became nightmares as we endured this night after night, ending, at last, with David in bed and my husband and I feeling emotionally drained.
Dealing with these tantrums was a learning curve. From the time he was little we have always been firm with David, sending him to timeout if he misbehaved and making our expectations very clear.
We did not back down now, but it was weary and draining for us. After a few weeks, we began to see fruit. The bedtime tantrums became fewer and less intense, and eventually they pretty much went away altogether. The daytime tantrums are still an issue at times, but we are continuing to work through them.
Learning to be patient under these circumstances is difficult; it is a different stage than any we have yet encountered in parenthood. Parenthood always requires deep patience, kindness, and love. But I feel like this stage of terrible twos and threes require an extra amount of those qualities.
As our kids are learning how far they can push boundaries, as they are learning to argue back and rebel, and as they are doing it at the top of their lungs, it is so important to be firm, to encourage each other, and to continue to show unconditional love. Hang in there, Mom and Dad. I’m preaching to myself now: it might feel like forever, but there will be fruit, and eventually “this, too, shall pass.”
