Sometimes I have this delusion that my life ought to run like a well-oiled machine. Each family member knows what their responsibilities are and executes them perfectly. All the pieces of the family machine fall together without a hitch. I wouldn’t need to allow extra time for the unexpected. It would be almost as if we were fully functioning robots, but not as individuals.
But, we’re not robots.We are a family made of individuals, of people. And this is beautiful.
A family is a living organism, and each individual contributes something unique. My family is not a machine that I program and oil everyday, but rather five individuals working and living together. I have three children who need a mother to nurture them and see them as individuals.
My children, like all children, certainly need to grow in knowledge, but they do not need arrive at personhood. They are already people, individuals who have something unique to contribute.
In her book “For the Children’s Sake” Susan Schaeffer Macaulay says,
[The child] is a separate human being whose strength lies in who he is, not in who he will become . . . We are told by many in our generation that this child is a cog in a machine, or even that he is a possession, like a pet animal . . . We must answer: “No. You are holding a person on your knee. And that is wonderful.”
This attitude of the human-ness of children changes everything–the way I talk to my kids, the amount of time I allow for an outing, the type of outings we go on, the high standards I can set for them, and the list goes on.
I can get caught up in the “to do’s” of life and start seeing people as moving pieces that need I need to coordinate, like a machine’s moving parts, but this is not when everyone shines. This is not when I truly enjoy each of my children, and this is not the environment that they can most enjoy life from and grow in knowledge.
When I choose to slow down and allow time for human-ness, my children (and myself!) can grow in knowledge and enjoy life the most. When I expect us to be beautifully human, I allow extra time for the unexpected.
Although there are five individuals in my family, we are also one family. I can’t ignore this, and it is vital that my children see how they relate to the whole. Part of growing in knowledge is learning how individual people work together to make up a unit. Recognizing that you are not a kingdom unto yourself is a huge part of maturing. I must see my children as individuals, and not just as the unit of “my kids.” However, they must also learn the beauty of being a part of a whole.
Life is most harmonious when everyone can contribute his or her unique personhood to the family. A better illustration than a well-oiled machine would be an orchestra.
Yes, I am like a conductor working to bring the different voices of each instrument to blend and shine at the correct moments. Each instrument brings something beautiful in itself to the song, but when blended together the orchestra soars. And, as the orchestra rises, the robot dies.
