For us the question started when we got engaged.
“When are you guys going to have kids?”
It came from our friends, our families, co-workers, pretty much everyone. We had planned to start trying pretty soon after we got married. So we would reply, “After we are married.” We got pregnant a few months after our wedding and were over the moon with excitement.
Once people knew we were expecting, it immediately started again, “So are you going to have another one?” REALLY???? We aren’t even parents yet. We aren’t even thinking about another baby because we are focused on bringing the one currently in my belly into the world.
One step at a time here.
People asked periodically during my pregnancy about baby number 2 (or 3??). And once our daughter was born, the frequency really went up. Now that she is over a year old, it’s almost like people think we are crazy to not be thinking about or pregnant with baby number 2. CLEARLY she must have a sibling, and soon.
I, for one, have gotten so sick of it that I’ve started answering like a smart aleck. I tell people I don’t want to mess with perfection. Or that maybe we will think about it once we get enough sleep to make rational decisions. My husband replies that we are trying to figure out how to manage the one we have first.
People, we seriously need to stop asking this question. It’s really inappropriate.
I know everyone means well. And the question is many times something we ask without really thinking. But just don’t. Why? Because honestly it’s none of your business!
You have no idea if the couple you are asking even wants children or can have children for that matter. If they already have a child, you don’t know what they have gone through to have that child, or how they feel deep down about adding another one to the mix.
Even if these are close friends or family, you still don’t know the whole story and they don’t have to share it with you.
Maybe they have been trying for baby number 2 for a long time and are thinking about other options or are worried about their health. Or maybe they have had a miscarriage you don’t know about, or they have tried IVF with no luck. Maybe they can’t afford to have another child or they just don’t want one. Maybe they don’t want children at all.
Even though some people seem perfectly happy to tell you their plans for children, I know that all of us wouldn’t mind if everyone would just be excited for the things we currently have going on in our lives.
If we happen to decide to add a tiny human to our family, then share in our excitement and enjoy watching them grow with us.
Every moment with a child is so special. So let’s just be thankful for what we have. And let Mom and Dad tell you their plans when they feel it’s appropriate.